You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
Randomize
