I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
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