capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
Randomize
