Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
The iPhone is ruining my ability to sex message. My 5-year-old cousin just picked up my phone at my grandmas birthday party and read "I wanna stand you up and fuck you from behind" to my entire extended family bc of popped up on my screen
They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
whoever created level 16 on brickbreaker is a dick
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
Randomize
