Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
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