found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
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