Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
she pinky promised me she was 18
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
Randomize
