Eric got herpes from Jo-ann
That's what he deserves for hooking up with a french canadian
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
Randomize
