I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
They have beer where we have blood.
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
Randomize
