You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
Randomize
