she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
Randomize
