I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
Randomize
