Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
Randomize
