so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
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