I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
After tacos, we're chasing women.
Never let your siblings swipe right.
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
If your talking about a poncho I WANT ONE
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