All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
Mom said you looked used
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
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