Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
This dress was meant to end up on your floor
i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
this ms. usa coverage has sucessfully humbled every girl here. depressed fish in a leaky barrel. go!
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
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