can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
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