WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
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