I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
We saw some woman wearing leather pants. It was weird. We have decided to follow her on her travels to see where people go in leather pants in Michigan.
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
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