I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
Randomize