I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
I just watched nsync videos for the past half hour and you could totally tell lance bass was gay in all of them
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
Randomize
