Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
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