OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
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