Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
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