I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
I thought I came here to hook up, not for a Study Abroad 101 session
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
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