she takes plan B like it's going out of style
Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
Randomize
