i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
It was a blind-side dick pic.
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
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