I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
At what point did we cease to have vaginas?
Sometime in the sweat pants phase freshman year.
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
Randomize
