I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
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