Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
I checked into jail on foursquare
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
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