I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
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