I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
That's how pantless uber rides happen
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
Randomize
