I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
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