Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
Randomize
