margs and chips and queso make the world go round
well and inertia
No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
Randomize
