i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
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