I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
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