I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
Randomize
