Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
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