other girls like to lick balls but none of them live for it like u do
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
Randomize
