Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
Randomize
