Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
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