Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
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