i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
Randomize
