Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
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