It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
My hope for you over spring break is that you can be some disease free girl's random spring break mistake.
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
Randomize
