so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
Randomize
