It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
I hope this doesn't change things. I feel that me being a minor made it more exciting.
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
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