I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
May the power of my ass compel you!!
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
Randomize
