and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
Randomize
