this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
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