I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
Randomize
