Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
I hate this i feel like im wasting my youth here. I should be off hooking up with boys around the world and having awkward next morning convos in different languages!!
she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
Randomize
