I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
Randomize
