It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
Randomize
