Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
Randomize
