Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
this boner is exhausting
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
Randomize