im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
Randomize
