lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
She tied me up with her honor cords...
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
Sex in the backyard? Check.
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
Randomize
