Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
if three guys were standing in front of you and they differed only in the hairiness of the groin who would you choose: smooth as a baby's bottom, the grass lands or the amazon jungle?
i think you're getting too neurotic about why she won't touch you.
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
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