he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
Randomize
