I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
Randomize
