Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
Randomize
