In regards to your tweet: as its been said on all of those posters on ffffound: keep calm and carry on
And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
Randomize
