You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
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