We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
Randomize
