we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
Randomize
