I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
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