you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
All I want is dick and wine.
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
