Don't be scared. It'll feel very good. And you'll be clean afterwards. I'm growling right now.
Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
Small penises have feelings too.
susan atkins died, charles manson's lady
dont cry, there are other serial killers to crush on.
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
Randomize
