the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
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