we're chasing vodka with high fives
oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
It's official drugs can't kill me
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
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